Thursday, October 18, 2012

right now, this minute...

this is happening...

...and i'm thinking about what lies ahead. a little part of me hoped that arriving in a spanking new destination, on the opposite side of the world i grew up in, would somehow show me my path in life. or, if not show me outright, then insinuate and nudge me in the right direction. hinting with a wink.

one of my favourite quotes says "the only zen you find on the tops of mountains is the zen you bring there" because it describes the essence of finding your truth within. you can run anywhere in the world, but however fast you run, when you eventually tire and slow down, all your baggage is shipped to you, express, and you must finally unpack and face what's in there, wrapped in layers of tissue and old newspapers.

don't get me wrong, moving house to a different continent is packed with lessons: the confidence in yourself blossoms as does the pride in following your dreams, the challenges of adapting to a new culture, the inspiring individuals you meet along the way, these grow you as a person and gradually shed light on the hidden corners of yourself you hadn't realized were there. the same goes for a change in career; any shift in your normal life will bring sparkling new qualities to the surface, and rough edges you'll need to polish.

but i'm talking about my purpose. that soul-searching question we all ponder in the dark: "what am i meant to do in this world?". it's been torturing me of late, an itch i desperately want to scratch and can't reach.

the one thing i have observed, however, is that while i'm on a quest to answer this question, part of the solution is: learn. when we turn passionately to learning, more pieces of the puzzle are slotted into position, revealing our place in the world.

in sadhana i was studying several aspects of hindu and buddhist philosophy. in sri lanka i took part in a vipassana course, which left me reeling for over a week in the realizations i had. now i feel at a loss, nothing doing, as they say here.

i'm unsure where to start. and that's me, right now, this minute...

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